Category Archives: daughters

November 4, 2014 · 9:29 pm

Angie II

Angie II
By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/4/14

I wake up and am mushed between the wall and my mother. I remember telling her everything. I cried to her about Chris not calling me. If anything, I can’t believe how lucky I really am. My mother didn’t yell at me. She didn’t shame me. She just held me and let me talk. She let me be scared. She let me hate Chris. But most importantly, she promised for the next week, we don’t have to tell my father.

Standing in front of my mirror the next morning, I turn to the side and look at my stomach. It’s still flat. I don’t know for how long, but I know ugly is coming soon. I saw this freshman girl at school one time and her stomach looked like someone had drawn little squiggly lines all over it and a giant one down the middle. If I get fat and ugly, Chris will never want me.

My mother told me we would handle him later, but the most important thing was a doctor’s appointment. She made one for today and she will pick me up after school. I can’t believe how cool my mom is being. I know she won’t last like this for long. Once she tells my dad, it will be over for me. But I need my mom right now. I felt really safe when I woke up with her in my bed. She told my dad I was sick and she wanted to stay close to me.

This cannot be happening. I look at the pick-up ring, which is where parents pull in to pick their kids up from school, and my mom and Chris’s mom are shouting at each other. Chris is in the passenger’s seat, slinking down trying not to be seen. I walk closer and hear my mother say “go fuck yourself,” before walking to the car and slamming the door.

I get in the car and I’m so embarrassed. I don’t say anything. I’m too scared. My mother just cussed my boyfriend’s mother out.

“Honey, I want you to know something. What you and Chris have done, is totally irresponsible. But both of you did it. Both of you. And people are going to say a lot of things because you’re young. But nobody gets to put you down and not hear my mouth. Now don’t get me wrong Angela, we are not friends. I am your mother and when I tell your father, the shit is gonna hit the fan. But baby, I will go to war and back for you. You are my God-given responsibility and I will protect you with my life. Now put your seat belt on.”

We drive off and I love and fear my mother at the same time.

Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett

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November 4, 2014 · 9:58 am

In My Head VIII

In My Head VIII
By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/4/2014

Oh no.  It was almost time for Daddy to pick us up.  I didn’t want to go with him, but Mommy said it was only for tonight and she would come get us tomorrow.  She said it’s Christmas and it’s good to spend time with family.  I don’t want to be with Daddy.  He has a new family.  People can’t have a new family and an old family.

My friend,Tisha, said she never sees her dad now that he has a new family and a little baby brother.  She’s never even met her baby brother.  She didn’t even think he was a baby anymore.  Her mom and my mom are friends.  They are supposed to come over soon, but I will probably be with my stupid dad.

All of my cousins and aunts and uncles are here.  I came up to my room so I could pack my clothes.  My sister stood in her room looking out the window.  She already had her coat and hat on.  Mommy told her to take them off or she would be cold when she went outside, but she never listens.

I went back downstairs and started playing UNO with my cousins and uncle. My sister came into the living room like an hour later and she was crying.  Mommy was right behind her telling her it would be okay.  I could tell by what Mommy was saying, Daddy wasn’t coming.  She always tried to cheer us up and tell us we could go out for breakfast in the morning.  My sister would not hear it.  I bet she didn’t even want Daddy, she just wanted her presents.

I was happy.  I had just won three games of UNO and now I didn’t have to go see Daddy and his dumb family.  If he didn’t want to see us, I didn’t want to see him.  I felt bad for my sister.  She didn’t understand.  She was just a little baby.  She didn’t understand Daddy had a new family now.  Maybe his new family is like Tisha’s dad’s new family.  Maybe my dad has new kids.  Dads don’t need old kids when they have new kids.

Copyright © 2014  Mia L. Hazlett

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November 3, 2014 · 10:22 pm

Angie

Angie
By Mia L. Hazlett
11/3/2014

This sucks. My life is over at fourteen. I’m gonna die. I’m so alone. I can’t talk to anyone. I lie on my bed holding my cell praying for him to call. He promised he would call. A quick vibration and “BFF” pops up on my iPhone along with a picture of Shayna.

“Girl,” I say, “He hasn’t called me. He came up to my locker after 4th and he said he was gonna call me after ball. I dun text him like ten damn times. Can’t nobody tell nobody they don’t have no time to text back. “

“Watchu doin’ now? Let’s roll down to his practice,” Shayna puts an idea in my head.

“I just gotta wait for my parents to get here, ‘cause I’m watchin’ Jordy. He gonna be outta practice by the time they get home,” I get the idea out of my head to roll up on him at his basketball practice.

“Well if he ain’t called by the time they get home, we gonna go knockin’ on his front door. He ain’t gettin’ outta this girl. If he thinks he is, the brotha dun lost his damn mind. He’s gotta know he can’t avoid us,” Shayna has always had my back.

“Girl what am I going to do?” I got my boyfriend out of my head and now it is just BFF to BFF.

“Whatever you do, don’t tell your parents. First you gotta see what Chris is gonna say, because you know your Daddy is gonna flip,” Shayna reminds me what else I am scared of.

“What if they kick me out? I mean they don’t even know I have a boyfriend. Shayna I’m so scared.” My voice cracks and the tears follow.

“Girl don’t cry. It’s gonna be okay. They ain’t gonna kick you out. And even if they do, you can come over here. You know my mother would never let you be on the streets.”

Somehow, every time Shayna tells me not to cry, I cry harder. The downstairs door opens. My mother is home. Maybe there is time to catch him at practice.

“Girl I have to go set the table for dinner. My mom just got home.”

I hang up with Shayna and go to the bathroom to wash my face. If I don’t wash my face and get my puffy eyes to go away, I will end up telling my mother. The one thing I’ve always been able to do is talk to my mom. If my mother asks me anything, I’ll lose it and tell her. She can’t know yet.

I throw the cold water on my face and I’m not sure if it is the water on my face or me bending over, but whatever happened, I now stand over the toilet throwing up. Back to the sink. Too late. My mother is behind me rubbing my back as I rinse my mouth out.

I turn and face my mother, “What’s going on babygirl?” she asks.

“Mummee, I’m pregnant,” I crumble into tears in my mother’s arms.

She holds me tight to her chest and whispers into my ear, “I know baby. I already know.”

Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett

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September 24, 2014 · 7:30 pm

Taken X

Taken X
By: Mia L. Hazlett
9/24/14

Jessie.  I had my Jessie back.  Mark wasn’t cheating on me, he was trying to get our Jessie back.  Whoever was in the house must have tried to hurt him and that’s why he ran.  When I ran to the back of the little cottage, I saw the door slowly creep open. I thought I had been found, but as my eyes focused, it was my baby.  My little Jessie stumbled out the back and into my arms. We ducked low as I heard the person inside frantically hunt for her.

The engine of the van turned over and the headlights were like instant sun in this shadowless wilderness.  I waited for it to disappear before I turned my tiny flashlight back on.  I didn’t know how far the batteries would take us, but I needed to get to a place where I could get some bars on my cell phone.  I had to call Mark and tell him I had Jessie.  He would probably be angry, because that would reveal I followed him.  His arrogance would hate the fact that I rescued her and he left running.

I stumbled through the woods and thought I heard the sounds of water.  It was faint, but unmistakable.  Jessie was barely walking so I lifted her into my arms.  I wanted to get us as far away from that house as I could.  The sound of the water was more audible and that was going to be my guide.  My flashlight shut off.

Behind us I heard cars, but the water was closer.  What was that? A crash? I wasn’t sure.  I kept moving towards the water.  Jessie was too heavy to continue to carry.  I found a tree and sat against the base of its trunk.  It wasn’t until I stopped moving that I realized how cold it was.  My little Jessie was cold too.

As I sat, I formulated a plan to go back to the house.  Whoever left, would never come back, knowing Mark found his hiding place.  We could at least spend the night and then in the morning, I would at least be able to travel in daylight. But most of all, we wouldn’t freeze in these woods.

The outline of the house came into my view.  Just beyond the house there appeared to be headlights approaching.  I was wrong.  The person was returning to get my Jessie.  I ran and hid us deep into the trees and stopped moving when I heard the engine shut off.  The headlights remained on and I heard deep voices.  I wasn’t sure how many voices, but there was definitely more than one.  And I knew one of them.  It was Mark.  He must have run to go get help.  He had come back to bring our Jessie home.

I ran out of the woods the best I could holding Jessie tight to my chest.  I screamed his name as I came into the clearing behind the tiny house.  We were safe.  Mark would take me and my baby home.  A figure stood in the headlights and I ran towards it.  They were blinding so I wasn’t sure who I was running towards, until he opened his arms for us.  I ran into my husband’s arms.  We were safe.

Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett

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September 23, 2014 · 8:37 pm

In My Head VII

In My Head VII
By: Mia L. Hazlett
9/23/14

I didn’t know how long it had been since I Daddy, but I was still really mad at him. I think he was really mad at me too. He had only called once or maybe it was twice, but I didn’t want to talk to him ever again. Mommy wanted me to talk to him when he called, but she didn’t make me when I said no. I just wanted my mommy. Sometimes I still heard her cry in the shower. When she got out she told me she got soap in her eyes. Now I was mad that Daddy made Mommy cry.

Next week was Christmas. Daddy always took us to see Santa so we could tell him everything we wanted. Today Mommy took us. I didn’t know what I wanted. I used to always want Mommy and Daddy back together, but I didn’t want that anymore. Daddy just made us sad.

I listened to my sister tell Santa what she wanted. She went on and on about toys and everything she had seen on TV, but I watched Mommy. She didn’t look happy. She was never happy anymore. When Santa asked me what I wanted, I told him, I wanted my mommy to be happy. It didn’t have to be my daddy anymore, it just had to make her happy. He asked me what I thought would make my mommy happy, and I didn’t know. I didn’t know what would make Mommy happy.

Maybe Mommy wanted new boots. She always complained because the ones she had now had a hole in them. Every time she wore them, her feet got wet and cold. Or maybe Santa could pay all the bills for her. She always said she didn’t have enough money. I know she needed a new winter coat. She had been wearing the same one for forever and the inside had a big hole and some of the white stuffing stuff was falling out. Or maybe Santa would give me some money to take her to dinner or the movies. Whenever we went out to dinner, she would always say she wasn’t hungry and let me and my sister get whatever we wanted. I knew it was because we didn’t have enough money. I knew she was hungry.

By the time I finally said something, I just said, “Santa, tell God to get something for my mommy that will make her happy forever. That’s what I want for Christmas, my mommy to be happy forever.”

Santa said okay.

©Copyright 2014 – Mia L. Hazlett

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August 8, 2014 · 4:46 pm

In My Head VI

In My Head VI
By: Mia L. Hazlett
8/8/14

Daddy picked me up from school today.  We got my sister from daycare and now we are going to go to the mall. I love the mall.  Usually Mommy just comes to pay one of her bills at the store on the end near the escalators.  Daddy said we could go to all the stores and get whatever we wanted. It was kinda weird, because he used to never let us get stuff.  Now, he bought us anything we wanted.

Daddy asked me how I was doing and about school. I told him I was really good and I loved school.  I asked him if he would come to my play next week because I was going to be the narrator.  He said he couldn’t wait. I also asked him if he would sit with Mommy.  He told me, “We’ll see.”  That means no.  That has always meant no. But that was okay, as long as he came.

When we were going back to the car, Daddy got a call from a girl.  Her picture came up on his screen.  He tried to hide it, but I already saw it.  My sister kept asking if that was Mommy and Daddy got mad at her and yelled for her to be quiet.  She started to cry and I held her hand.  I wanted to go home now.  This wasn’t the best day ever.  Daddy called the girl on the phone sweetie.  That’s what he called me.

When Daddy pulled into the driveway, the front porch light came on and I saw the front door open, but Mommy didn’t come outside.  As soon as I saw the “P” light up, I took my seatbelt off and ran into the house.  I never wanted to see Daddy again.  I heard my sister crying downstairs and then the door closed.  I looked out the window and Daddy was on the phone smiling.  He was probably talking to his new “sweetie”.

Mommy knocked on my door and brought in the bags full of all the stuff Daddy let us get.  I told her I didn’t want it and I never wanted to see him again.  She sat on my bed and I ran to her and told her that Daddy had another girl he called “sweetie”. I wanted to be his only sweetie.  I was Sweetie and my sister was Sunshine. I began to cry and begged Mommy to never find another “dumplin’”.  I would do anything she wanted.  I just wanted to be her only “dumplin’”.  She promised me that I was her only dumplin’.   When she left my room, I heard her call my sister. “Gumdrop, it’s time for your bath”, she said.

From now on my sister and me would only answer to Dumplin’ and Gumdrop.  We were no longer anyone’s Sweetie or Sunshine.

Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett

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July 27, 2014 · 1:00 pm

In My Head- V

In My Head – V
By: Mia L. Hazlett
7/27/14

I sat in my Science class and wondered if I was ever going to see my Daddy again. I put my sparkly dress right in the trash.  I never wanted to wear it again.  He never came and Mommy tried to call him, but he didn’t answer.  Saturday would be here tomorrow and I really wanted to see him.  But if I asked him to come and then he didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to go to Sasha’s birthday party.  I had to go to her party, everyone from our class was going to be there.

I went to get into the bus line, but I saw Mommy waving to me from the parent pick-up line.  Mommy never picks me up.  This was the best day ever.  She always made it the best day ever.  I ran over to her and fell into the biggest hug.  She kissed my forehead and I grabbed her hand.  I sat in the back and told her all about my day.  She said after we got my sister we could go and get me a dress for the birthday party, maybe even new shoes too. I was so excited.

We got my sister and went shopping for my dress.  I got to get my new shoes too.  It was like it was my birthday and not Sasha’s, because after shopping we went to the pizza place up the street and we got to eat it there.  We were playing the license plate game on our way home and before we got to the driveway, I saw Daddy’s car.  “Daddy!”, my sister and I screamed.  This was the best day ever.

My mother walked straight into the house, when we climbed all over Daddy.  He kissed us and said he was sorry he couldn’t get here last week to pick us up.  Even though his phone looked exactly the same, he said he lost his phone and he had to buy a new one.  He must have taken my little heart sticker off his old phone and put it on the case for this one.

He came into the house, but I didn’t see Mommy.  Her door was closed, so she must be in her bedroom.  We sat in the living room and Daddy ate the last of the pizza we brought home.  I wish Mommy would come downstairs, but she stayed in her room.  Maybe she was mad at us for talking to Daddy.  I started to get scared because if Daddy left, Mommy would be mad at us.  I know she didn’t like Daddy anymore, but I didn’t know if we were supposed to not like him too.

Daddy left and I knocked on Mommy’s door.  I told her through the door that he left.  I waited for her to answer, and then I opened the door.  She was asleep on her bed and me and my sister crawled in the bed with her.  I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to be here, but I didn’t want Mommy mad at us.  I was just really happy to see Daddy.  Before I fell asleep, I promised I would never act happy to see Daddy in front of Mommy again.

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July 23, 2014 · 12:00 pm

In My Head IV

In My Head IV
By: Mia L. Hazlett
7/20/14

Oh no! I look at the clock and it is 12:30. What happened? Daddy must have come and thought we were asleep. I look and Mommy is sitting in her favorite chair. She smiles at me and tells me Daddy hasn’t come yet. I look over at the coffee table and see a grilled cheese sandwich and apples. It’s my favorite, but if I eat that, I won’t have room for my waffle. But I am really really hungry. I decide to eat just half of my sandwich. I refuse my apple juice with my pink swirly straw, because then I will be way too full.

Even though it’s my favorite show, I don’t even care. Every time a car goes by, I hope it is going to turn into the driveway. Even though it is too late for the movie, we could still go out to eat. I tried to keep my sister from eating all her lunch, but she did anyways. She is going to be sorry when she does not have room for all the pizza in the world.

I’ve called Daddy twice on his phone, but he didn’t answer. Maybe he didn’t bring his charger with him so his phone is dead. I hope something didn’t happen to him. Mommy says she’s sure he is fine. I don’t know how she knows, but she is making dinner for us now. I don’t want her stupid meatloaf. Daddy is taking us to get pizza. I told her to wait for another hour or call him again. Something must have happened to him. He would never just not call. He promised me he is coming today. Today is not over.

I take Mommy’s phone and the house phone and sit by window in one of the big kitchen chairs. It is almost completely dark and I can’t tell what color the cars are as they pass by the driveway. I hear the bathtub running, but I am not taking one. I don’t want to be in the tub when Daddy gets here, because maybe he can at least take us out for ice cream.

I hear Mommy read to my sister and she is reading our favorite story. She smiles at me as she sits on the floor next to my chair. I tell her I don’t want to go to bed yet. She let me call him one more time, but he didn’t answer again. I sit down in my Mommy’s lap and start crying. I remember doing that. Now I am laying in my bed in my pretty sparkly dress in the dark. Daddy never got to see my pretty sparkly dress and fancy hair. Daddy never came. I roll over and Mommy is right next to me. She hugs me and kisses my forehead.
Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett

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July 19, 2014 · 10:00 pm

In My Head III

In My Head III
Mia L. Hazlett
7/19/14

This is going to be the best day of my whole entire life.  I don’t know when it was the last time I saw Daddy, but today we are going to spend the whole day together.  Well not just us, my sister is coming to.  I made sure last night Mommy braided my hair pretty.  I spent all last night trying to decide which dress to wear.  I decided to wear a sparkly pink dress he had bought me.  It was really hard to sleep last night, but now it is morning.

Mommy and my sister are still sleeping.  I’m not going to have breakfast because Daddy is going to take us to breakfast.  When we talked on the phone yesterday, he said I could do anything I wanted to all day.  I said I wanted to go out for breakfast.  Then I wanted to go to the movie with the girl I saw from my TV show.  Then we can go to the bookstore because I want to get a book in my book series. Then we could go to dinner before we came home.  I couldn’t even believe it.  He said yes to everything.  This was really going to be the best day.

When I go into my mother’s room, she is just waking up.  I already have my sparkles on and I found my matching headband with the sparkly bow.  Daddy is going to think I’m so pretty.  I ask Mommy to wake my sister up because Daddy is going to be here in an hour.  She needs to look just as pretty for him.

Mommy gets my sister ready and I turn the TV on.  The big window is behind the TV and I can see the driveway at the same time.  Daddy is going to be here in fifteen minutes.  I wish he was here right now because I am so hungry.  I love the place we go because they have the biggest waffles in the world and that is the only time Mommy lets me put whipped cream on them.  I’m going to ask for extra whipped cream today.

I already looked on my Mommy’s phone and the movie starts at 12:10.  We will have enough time to eat breakfast even if the restaurant is really crowded and we have to wait like we sometimes do.  Five more minutes before Daddy is here. I’m so excited.  Wait.  I’m going to go to the bathroom so I don’t have to once we are out.  Mommy isn’t going to be there to take us to the girls’ room so I need to go now.

I run out of the bathroom and I didn’t even wash my hands.  Sometimes I just run the water so Mommy thinks that I do.  When I look in the driveway, no one is there.  I thought I heard Daddy’s car.  My sister is watching her show on the couch and I sit next to her to wait for Daddy.  This is going to be the best day ever.
Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett

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May 13, 2013 · 2:33 pm

Chaotic Normalcy – Part I

By: Mia L. Hazlett
5/12/13

Routine and normalcy, two things I cherish most about my 9 to 5. I come to work and go home. What fills the hours in between; well that’s where my flexibility shines. Nevertheless, once I leave, I count on routine. I count on being home by 5pm to get my daughter off the bus, especially on Mondays when we rush around to get her to her softball games on time. Not this Monday, this Monday of April 15, 2013 was different. I continued to wear my flexibility cape, even though I was no longer in my office. It was Marathon Monday and apparently, no one had told me that the Sox game was not starting at three, but letting out.

The shuttle slowed to a stop a good quarter-mile from the parking garage, it wasn’t allowed to go any further and take us to our stop. Oh how I hate detours! The streets from Beth Israel Hospital to the parking garage, were nothing but traffic jams, pedestrians, and traffic cops. I weaved in and out of the fans, who treated the streets and sidewalks as their personal photo studio. By the time I reached my car, it was already past 3:30pm. Now I had to drive through all of these people.

I inched down the street, honking occasionally, only to be flipped off and then having to return the gesture, but sometimes the car in front of me carried out the familiar Boston tradition. But as I inched to the intersection, my Boston temper began to surface, this was the third friggin’ cop I had seen talking on his phone and then calling his blue buddies over. What the hell? There was traffic to direct here! And they need to do it now, because someone wasn’t letting an ambulance through somewhere, because the siren was continuous. I had heard it since I started walking.

By the time I hit 24, I was home free. I could still make it home in time to get my daughter to her game. I tucked away my flexibility cape and switched back to my normal commute home. I was off only by 15 minutes. It wasn’t until I was near Bridgewater that I realized my normalcy existed, but somewhere it did not. My entire ride, I noticed nothing but flashing statee cars headed towards Boston. Every minute until I got off the highway near the Cape, a state police cruiser was headed towards Boston.

My daughters’ father was watching the kids and reached me by phone about ten minutes before I arrived home. My phone had been tucked behind my purse, and apparently I hadn’t heard my mother calling or received the three “Are you okay?” texts awaiting me. He asked if I was okay and if I made it out. I began to unload about the stupid shuttle making us walk and I knew I was a little…he interrupted, “A bomb or maybe two or three went off at the marathon. Are you okay? I didn’t think you would be coming home and would probably have to stay at work. I was going to take the girls to your mother’s house because I just got called into work.”

Comprehension of what he was saying didn’t exist as my oblivion bubble burst. I pulled into the driveway adding everything together: all the cops on their phones, the ceaseless siren- well sirens, and all the way home, the state police rushing to Boston. A bomb? Was this 9/11 all over again? How close was I when this all happened? What if there were more? There were so many people in the streets at Fenway. Did I need to go back to work? What would I be able to do? Surely, the medical geniuses I worked for didn’t need me for my expertise in stopping bloody noses and washing scraped knees. Although utter chaos assaulted me, this was Monday. Mondays are softball games. Right now, even though I could answer none of the questions racing through my head, my brain could exist in chaos, but my body had to pull off normalcy.

My ex dropped our daughter off at her game and I dropped our other daughter off at my parent’s house. I tried to call people at work, but got no answers. What I was going to do, go back to work or stay home, was abruptly answered by my daughter’s normalcy. Before I could leave to her sister’s game, she asked me if someone had been shot? I stood motionless, “What?” She looked up at me with an innocence, which was contradicted by her question, “Daddy got called into work, so did someone get shot?” I answered honestly, “No. No one was shot.” I had to allow normalcy to win in the face of this chaotic tragedy. With my brain and body synced to normalcy, I went and watched my daughter win her softball game.

© 2013 Mia L. Hazlett

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