Category Archives: faith

Conundrum XII

By: Mia L. Hazlett
4/14/13

There was nothing like spending time with my girlfriends.  Last night wasn’t enough.  I needed them right now, but I knew we all had our own lives to live.  I always thought my husband was my soul mate.  Really, he was almost my best friend.  We’d been together for 22 years and married for 18.  In our world, we were soul mates, but in my heart and mind, those four women I sat with last night truly knew my soul.

On a scale of 1-10 of being myself, with my husband I am at about 9 and my friends a 10.  I know I sound like a bitch, but I cannot completely be myself with my husband in only one relationship in my life.  He knows everything about work, my friends, my family.  But to keep the peace in my house, I have to watch what I say about his mother.  I couldn’t tell him that I wrestle with being Godly and saying fuck that bitch.  What? He would lose his damn mind.  It felt so nice saying it last night.  I was able to be myself and vent my frustrations to my soul mates.

Now I sat in my room on my lazy Sunday.  Once a month I got a vacation in my house from the other creatures that inhabited it.  I woke up at six, made myself a nice breakfast, and got my coffee.  I returned to breakfast in my bedroom and lounged out on my couch.  My six year-old attempted to interrupt, but my husband intervened.

I honestly think this is what has saved our marriage.  He chose to have one Saturday a month and I chose a Sunday.  We can use it to go out or stay in, either way we get time to ourselves.  Our bedroom became sacred territory.  No one was allowed to come in under any circumstances.  Unfortunately, our new guest felt the need to violate this rule.  She had been in here twice this morning.  “Are you going to stay in here all day baby?  You do have children you know.  I know when I had my kids, I just couldn’t get enough of them.  There was nothing so bad about them that would make me want to hide away on a couch all day.”

How did I put this before?  Fuck that bitch.  Amen.

© 2013 Mia L. Hazlett

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Ruler of My Life

By: Mia L. Hazlett
3/3/12

I follow You by faith with “My Plan” in hand.
You replace it with patience, because You know I’m not a fan.

Day in day out, God where are You now?
Month’s start month’s end, patience?  I don’t know how.

Trust You and wait on Your next move?
I’m sitting here doing nothing and I’ve got so much to prove.

Be still? Now that doesn’t even make sense.
The grass is so much greener on the other side of the fence.

Where did it all go? You took it all away.
I have nothing, no job or home. Where will we stay?

Humble? Depend on You for my every want and need?
How will it all be restored through a writing seed?

What do you mean You’re giving me a story that I have to see through to the end?
How can this be a story, when I sleep on a couch and depend solely on my friend?

God why did You make me feel again? I know my heart’s going to break.
It’s so much easier not to love at all, because I can avoid all this ache.

Let’s go back to the beginning, where I surrendered all.
If I end up here or there, by faith it is now Your call.

I never thought I’d say this, but thank you for adultery.
For it is by Your Word, I am finally free.

Life has its ups and downs, and full-circle You bring us back to the start.
I now know it’s not about age in prayer, but those with the purist of hearts.

Oh how You’ve restored me. A year ago I would’ve never believed all this.
There were many dark moments, where I’d thought I’d been taken off Your list.

Although I’m not at the end of my going through it trial.
My happy mask has been removed, so I no longer have to live in denial.

Thank You for my story God. Once again You were right.
I’ll happily spread the word of faith for those who still weep at night.

You are King of Kings, Lord of Lords, and Annihilator of all life’s strife.
I can do everything with You, for You are the Ruler of my life.

Copyright © 2012 Mia L. Hazlett
All Rights Reserved

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For You

For You
By: Mia L. Hazlett
6/13/11

Mold me to Your will Almighty,
For I am here to serve Your Word.
My life continues without lack,
Because I accepted You as my shepherd.

Although the valleys are deep
And I’ve not reached the mountain’s peak;
I know you’ve not left me,
For in the shadows, it is Your time to teach.

Obedience requires a humble awakening,
You reach down and take it all away.
I finally realize it’s not about me,
But only about The One that made night and day.

I’ll do what you tell me to do,
From Gen 1:1 to Rev 22:21.
How can expect to do less,
For The One who gave His only begotten Son.

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Anointed Numbers

Anointed Numbers
By: Mia L. Hazlett
6/13/11

You waited on the well for me in 4:16.

I surrendered my all to you when I lost understanding.
You wrote to me 3:5 and 3:6.

When my life made no sense and I lost it all,
You smiled upon me and promised me 23:1.

When I prayed for just the small gains,
You assured me 16:10.

You transformed my ways, and brought grace to my humble spirit,
Because 4:6.

There were times that I stumbled, but never lost faith.
I delighted in Your mighty approval, 25:21.

With the failure of 5:25, you granted me the permission to love freely,
Because of 5:32.

And when I was ready to settle, You moved me once more.
For my 3:20, commanded so much more.

So with an open heart because I wanted to feast,
I held on to Your promise of 1:19.

Because I know that 6:10,
And through Your grace, 23:6.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

(John, Proverbs, Psalms, Luke, James, Matthew, Ephesians, Matthew, Ephesians, Isaiah, Matthew, Psalms)

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Conundrum (Part IX)

Conundrum (Part IX)
By: Mia L. Hazlett
4/8/11

I debated most of the week whether we would attend the family reunion his aunt invited us to. I thought about it over and over and went with no. I realized my ex (I was still trying to get used to saying that)signed us away. But the problem was, my oldest wasn’t aware of it yet. She still had hope. I had spent all this time trying to lift her spirits with hope. Seeing him at the reunion would crush all her hopes.

I thought I was doing the right thing as a mother, but now I realized how absolutely detrimental hope can be when it is unrequited. He had never hoped for us. Our tears, our love, and our hope were all unrequited. As I cradled my oldest in my arms, I had to question, with these lost hopes so fresh, how was I going to teach her to hope again?

Because at such a tender age, I could not allow her to abandon hope. For without hope in her life, I could not teach her to have faith. Right now it wasn’t about having faith that her hopes would come to pass, but in having faith that God closed the right door and opened one that would exceed abundantly everything she had ever hoped for.

The new doorway was not the source of my angst. I didn’t recognize the woman walking through it. There was a grace and warmth that radiated. Her worries and fears had been cast aside in the light of her newfound hope of peace. And it was because of this hope, God opened the door of Peace. Through all she had carried her family through, she finally turned in the key to Drama, and entered Peace.

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Conundrum (Part VII)

Conundrum (Part VII)
By: Mia L. Hazlett
3/14/11

The silence enveloped the room as I breastfed my daughter and gently rocked us back and forth in the large maple glider my parents had given me. Her ladybug light casted a soft glow in the corner of the room. I watched her suckle and with each blink caught the flashback of this exact moment with each of her sisters. With my oldest, I had this moment on my bed propped up against my pillows in my small studio apartment. I did the same with my second daughter, but it was in our house with her father next to me. I now sat in the makeshift nursery in my friend’s home alone with nothing but dreams and hopes.

The only recent contact I had with my husband was the divorce papers I was served the other day. I couldn’t get my head around the fact that I actually felt sad. We were coming up on a year of being apart and I couldn’t tell you the last time we even talked or he contacted the kids. So why was this hurting? Why when I had embraced and accepted that I was doing this alone, did I feel like I was losing him all over again? I consistently prayed that God hadn’t forgotten me. Sometimes I believed I was just having a pity party, and the rest of the time I tried to hold onto the faith that He had me in the palm of His hand.

I signed the papers and sent them in the return envelope. It was against my faith, but I had to let go. Would God forgive me for giving up? I had continually asked myself this question since I mailed my vows away. But unfortunately my time in prayer had to be spent praying for my strength to support this family and thank my friend for her patience with my situation. I didn’t know if God was going to answer my prayers. I guess part of faith was hope, and I hoped God heard my prayers.

So in the dim glow of the makeshift nursery in my friend’s house, I said a single line to a prayer I had always rehearsed in its entirety, “Thy will be done.” I kissed my daughter and placed her in her tiny bassinet. “Thy will be done.”

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Patience

Patience
By: Mia L. Hazlett
1/4/11

I remain still and allow You to shape me into who I will become.
For it is from Your hands that perfection is made.
With an anxious faith, I patiently wait.

Your angels bestow favor upon me.
And with nothing to call my own, I reach to You.
You set aside my pride and mold me into humbleness.

You assure me my sacrifice will carry for generations,
For legacies cannot be built on sand.
You commend my transformation as it outlines an impenetrable foundation.

I remain encompassed in Your strength and allow my life to bend at Your will.
For it is from Your hands that I will delivered.
With prayerful praise, I paitently wait.

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Waiting on Love

Waiting on Love
By: Mia L. Hazlett
9/29/10

He cautioned her impatience, because He knew through her haste, her emptiness would remain unfulfilled. It was He who commanded her to love again, to feel again, to want again. For He had made man for her, but she had to be still. Stillness had to encompass her being in preparation for love.

But she surrendered to the newness and bitterness consumed her past. Her heart had been awakened and touched. The control she once mastered, cowered to the man who had captured her. She fought to be released, but reveled in his persistence. He did not simply reside in her heart, but he consistently fed her mind.

As the battle within her raged, she grew weary. She knew that the love she required was unrequited. The stillness surrounded her and the emptiness returned. Before the void devoured her; He promised her, the deliverance of her requited love remained in the patience of her faith. As she tasted her tear, she knew He had taught her to feel and want again. She allowed the stillness to encompass her being in preparation for love.

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I Am God

I Am God
By: Mia L. Hazlett
8/18/10

You have bowed before me and I have heard your cry.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God.

The end is near and your blessings plenty.
Although your faith has wavered, your praise has not.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God.

Know that this is my time to prepare you,
So this is not a time to fold.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God.

Stand on the promises written in My Book.
For I can do things that you cannot.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God.

This battle is not yours, it is mine.
So step aside, because the devil’s traps are being removed.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God

I am the Beginning and the End.
I am the Lord of Lords.
I am the King of Kings.
I am the Ruler of all.

I made Heaven.
I made Earth.
I made Night.
I made Day.

So wipe away your tears my child, and be prepared.
Because you have bowed before me, and I am God.

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A Test of Faith

A Test of Faith
By: Mia L. Hazlett
7/26/10

Finally I stood in the face of my destiny, their destiny, well okay, our destiny. Nothing could stop us now. I mean absolutely nothing. I guess when you are riding on faith the sky is the first step of many, rather than the limit. After that ride, I felt completely unstoppable. There was no way God was going to take me all the way across the country in a packed minivan with two kids, a cat, no air conditioning, and then leave me. Nope. He wasn’t going to do that to me. Because it was only God, who could have given me the strength to endure 1,958 miles of fear, sweat, and enough adrenaline to conquer both and still keep my faith.

The scary thing about faith was faith itself. I didn’t know the ending, I just expected a positive outcome, because I knew that’s what God promised me. And as my van crossed the Louisiana/Texas border, I felt delivered from my past two years of hell. I felt delivered from my marriage. I felt delivered from my job. I felt delivered from my enemies. I felt as though God was applauding my obedience and I was driving towards my blessings. And now I was stuck on Ephesians 3:20. What was this “exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think?” I had gotten from Boston to Houston safely. That was my prayer and it was answered. I wanted to move to Texas and now we were there. Okay I guess I wanted a job and house to live in, but that really wasn’t “exceedingly abundantly above” what I had asked or thought.

So through 1,958 miles, God continued to test my faith through trials. With almost a month behind me with no job and the savings dwindling, I began to question my move. I began to ponder and think what if He would leave me now? What if this move was about me and not part of His plan for me? What if I had disobeyed and not obeyed? So from above, my Heavenly Father assured me, He wasn’t trying to have me dwell on Ephesians 3:20, but on James 1:3, “knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” I had to realize, God wanted me to wait on Him and move in His time, not mine.

I had noticed that through this journey of faith, God allowed more and more time to lapse between my knees hitting the floor and His deliverance. When I had first turned to Him to save me, sometimes not even an hour would pass. When He had me hooked, He allowed days, then weeks. I mean I had to remember, from the conception of this move to crossing the border, four months had passed. And now as He answered my consistent prayer for the past four years for rest, I had the audacity not to rest after only a month. For He knew I was the head of my family and provider. So as I continued to ask in angst for a job to provide for my family, He sent me an angle that calmed me with His word through Psalm 23, “I shall not want.” So with all angst aside, I waited on God, because I knew my cup was about to run over.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

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