In My Head

In My Head
By: Mia L. Hazlett
1/12/12

This is just weird. Mommy never drives us to school. I can’t really tell, but I think she’s been crying. Her eyes are all red and stuff, but I don’t see any tears and she said she is fine. I think she mostly cries in the shower. I can kinda hear her even though the water is running. My little sister plays with her little toys as we pull up to her daycare. Mommy tells us to stay in the car as she goes and rings the doorbell. When the door opens, I can’t see my sister’s teacher, but I see Mommy talking and then she hugs whoever is behind the door.

We pull off and I wave to my sister. This is not the way we do it with Daddy. I get dropped off first then her. I don’t like this way. There’s no music. At least we usually have music. I want to tell her I know everything. I heard their fight last night even though they closed the door. I hate it when they fight. I don’t think Daddy came home last night and that is why she is driving us. But his car may have been in the garage and that is why I didn’t see it in the driveway.

I’m just gonna tell her I know everything. I’m gonna say I hear her cry in the shower. I’m gonna tell her when she and Daddy fight I don’t like it. And I will tell her that I don’t want them to get a divorce either. I’m gonna tell her I want every day to be like that vacation we took last year. When we went out to eat and took all the pictures and they never had one fight the whole time we were there. They even slept in the same bed and they kissed and held hands at the restaurant. That’s what I want every day to be like.

Once she stops the car I’m gonna tell her everything before I go into school.The car stops and Mommy gets out and comes to my side to open the door. She stoops down and gives me a big hug, “I love you honey.” I wipe away the tear from her eye, “I love you too Mommy.” She takes my hand and we walk up the front steps to school. I hope she couldn’t tell what I was thinking. I mean I know my mom cries, but I never see the tears. I guess I can wait ‘til later to tell her what I want. Because this is kinda nice too, holding hands with my mom as she walks me into school. She never does this. She only comes to my plays and stuff. I wish that every day could be like this too. So for now, I’ll just keep those other thoughts in my head.
© 2012 Mia L. Hazlett

In My Head II
By: Mia Hazlett
4/11/13

Dear Diary,

I haven’t seen my dad in two weeks. I think my parents are going to get a divorce. My friend Sara at school and another boy Philip, their parents are divorced. I know a whole bunch of other kids whose parents never even got married.

I miss my dad. I wish he was here or that I could just see him. He called a couple of times, but that’s not the same. He says he and my mommy are just taking a little break right now. I guess kinda like me and my friend Sara got in a fight that one time and we didn’t talk to each other for three whole days. We didn’t even sit with each other at lunch or on the bus. That was the worst fight in the whole world.

But this is worse than three days. It has been two weeks and one day. I’ve been marking it on my calendar. I heard my mother on the phone the other day saying she was so happy he was gone. I don’t want her to be happy he’s gone. I want her to miss him like I do. If she doesn’t miss him than he won’t come back and live with us or maybe to even see us.

I heard my mother praying the other night for peace. I don’t know what that means, but she sure has been happy. She was in the kitchen the other day making dinner and she was singing and dancing. A long time ago before my sister was born, she used to do that when she was cooking, but I haven’t seen her like that in like forever.

Then the other night, we stayed up until like 11 watching a movie. She made us popcorn and not even the whole night did she talk on her phone. Not once. Not even to text. But when she went to the bathroom I looked at her phone. It was Daddy saying he was sorry and he loved her.

I hope she wrote him back later. I mean he was saying sorry. You’re supposed to make everything ok if someone says they are sorry. But I don’t know if I want her to be sad again. It has been really fun doing stuff with my mom since she’s been happy. I just wish I could see my dad too.

From – Me
© Copyright 2013- Mia L. Hazlett

In My Head III
Mia L. Hazlett
7/19/14

This is going to be the best day of my whole entire life. I don’t know when it was the last time I saw Daddy, but today we are going to spend the whole day together. Well not just us, my sister is coming to. I made sure last night Mommy braided my hair pretty. I spent all last night trying to decide which dress to wear. I decided to wear a sparkly pink dress he had bought me. It was really hard to sleep last night, but now it is morning.

Mommy and my sister are still sleeping. I’m not going to have breakfast because Daddy is going to take us to breakfast. When we talked on the phone yesterday, he said I could do anything I wanted to all day. I said I wanted to go out for breakfast. Then I wanted to go to the movie with the girl I saw from my TV show. Then we can go to the bookstore because I want to get a book in my book series. Then we could go to dinner before we came home. I couldn’t even believe it. He said yes to everything. This was really going to be the best day.

When I go into my mother’s room, she is just waking up. I already have my sparkles on and I found my matching headband with the sparkly bow. Daddy is going to think I’m so pretty. I ask Mommy to wake my sister up because Daddy is going to be here in an hour. She needs to look just as pretty for him.

Mommy gets my sister ready and I turn the TV on. The big window is behind the TV and I can see the driveway at the same time. Daddy is going to be here in fifteen minutes. I wish he was here right now because I am so hungry. I love the place we go because they have the biggest waffles in the world and that is the only time Mommy lets me put whipped cream on them. I’m going to ask for extra whipped cream today.

I already looked on my Mommy’s phone and the movie starts at 12:10. We will have enough time to eat breakfast even if the restaurant is really crowded and we have to wait like we sometimes do. Five more minutes before Daddy is here. I’m so excited. Wait. I’m going to go to the bathroom so I don’t have to once we are out. Mommy isn’t going to be there to take us to the girls’ room so I need to go now.

I run out of the bathroom and I didn’t even wash my hands. Sometimes I just run the water so Mommy thinks that I do. When I look in the driveway, no one is there. I thought I heard Daddy’s car. My sister is watching her show on the couch and I sit next to her to wait for Daddy. This is going to be the best day ever.
Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett

 

In My Head IV
By: Mia L. Hazlett
7/20/14

Oh no! I look at the clock and it is 12:30.  What happened?  Daddy must have come and thought we were asleep.  I look and Mommy is sitting in her favorite chair.  She smiles at me and tells me Daddy hasn’t come yet.  I look over at the coffee table and see a grilled cheese sandwich and apples.  It’s my favorite, but if I eat that, I won’t have room for my waffle.  But I am really really hungry.  I decide to eat just half of my sandwich. I refuse my apple juice with my pink swirly straw, because then I will be way too full.

Even though it’s my favorite show, I don’t even care.  Every time a car goes by, I hope it is going to turn into the driveway.  Even though it is too late for the movie, we could still go out to eat.  I tried to keep my sister from eating all her lunch, but she did anyways.  She is going to be sorry when she does not have room for all the pizza in the world.

I’ve called Daddy twice on his phone, but he didn’t answer.  Maybe he didn’t bring his charger with him so his phone is dead.  I hope something didn’t happen to him.  Mommy says she’s sure he is fine.  I don’t know how she knows, but she is making dinner for us now.  I don’t want her stupid meatloaf.  Daddy is taking us to get pizza.  I told her to wait for another hour or call him again.  Something must have happened to him.  He would never just not call.  He promised me he is coming today.  Today is not over.

I take Mommy’s phone and the house phone and sit by window in one of the big kitchen chairs.  It is almost completely dark and I can’t tell what color the cars are as they pass by the driveway.  I hear the bathtub running, but I am not taking one.  I don’t want to be in the tub when Daddy gets here, because maybe he can at least take us out for ice cream.

I hear Mommy read to my sister and she is reading our favorite story.  She smiles at me as she sits on the floor next to my chair.  I tell her I don’t want to go to bed yet.  She let me call him one more time, but he didn’t answer again.  I sit down in my Mommy’s lap and start crying.  I remember doing that.  Now I am laying in my bed in my pretty sparkly dress in the dark.  Daddy never got to see my pretty sparkly dress and fancy hair.  Daddy never came.  I roll over and Mommy is right next to me. She hugs me and kisses my forehead.
Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett

In My Head – V
By: Mia L. Hazlett
7/27/14

I sat in my Science class and wondered if I was ever going to see my Daddy again. I put my sparkly dress right in the trash.  I never wanted to wear it again.  He never came and Mommy tried to call him, but he didn’t answer.  Saturday would be here tomorrow and I really wanted to see him.  But if I asked him to come and then he didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to go to Sasha’s birthday party.  I had to go to her party, everyone from our class was going to be there.

I went to get into the bus line, but I saw Mommy waving to me from the parent pick-up line.  Mommy never picks me up.  This was the best day ever.  She always made it the best day ever.  I ran over to her and fell into the biggest hug.  She kissed my forehead and I grabbed her hand.  I sat in the back and told her all about my day.  She said after we got my sister we could go and get me a dress for the birthday party, maybe even new shoes too. I was so excited.

We got my sister and went shopping for my dress.  I got to get my new shoes too.  It was like it was my birthday and not Sasha’s, because after shopping we went to the pizza place up the street and we got to eat it there.  We were playing the license plate game on our way home and before we got to the driveway, I saw Daddy’s car.  “Daddy!”, my sister and I screamed.  This was the best day ever.

My mother walked straight into the house, when we climbed all over Daddy.  He kissed us and said he was sorry he couldn’t get here last week to pick us up.  Even though his phone looked exactly the same, he said he lost his phone and he had to buy a new one.  He must have taken my little heart sticker off his old phone and put it on the case for this one.

He came into the house, but I didn’t see Mommy.  Her door was closed, so she must be in her bedroom.  We sat in the living room and Daddy ate the last of the pizza we brought home.  I wish Mommy would come downstairs, but she stayed in her room.  Maybe she was mad at us for talking to Daddy.  I started to get scared because if Daddy left, Mommy would be mad at us.  I know she didn’t like Daddy anymore, but I didn’t know if we were supposed to not like him too.

Daddy left and I knocked on Mommy’s door.  I told her through the door that he left.  I waited for her to answer, and then I opened the door.  She was asleep on her bed and me and my sister crawled in the bed with her.  I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to be here, but I didn’t want Mommy mad at us.  I was just really happy to see Daddy.  Before I fell asleep, I promised I would never act happy to see Daddy in front of Mommy again.
Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett

 

In My Head VI
By: Mia L. Hazlett
8/8/14

Daddy picked me up from school today.  We got my sister from daycare and now we are going to go to the mall. I love the mall.  Usually Mommy just comes to pay one of her bills at the store on the end near the escalators.  Daddy said we could go to all the stores and get whatever we wanted. It was kinda weird, because he used to never let us get stuff.  Now, he bought us anything we wanted.

Daddy asked me how I was doing and about school. I told him I was really good and I loved school.  I asked him if he would come to my play next week because I was going to be the narrator.  He said he couldn’t wait. I also asked him if he would sit with Mommy.  He told me, “We’ll see.”  That means no.  That has always meant no. But that was okay, as long as he came.

When we were going back to the car, Daddy got a call from a girl.  Her picture came up on his screen.  He tried to hide it, but I already saw it.  My sister kept asking if that was Mommy and Daddy got mad at her and yelled for her to be quiet.  She started to cry and I held her hand.  I wanted to go home now.  This wasn’t the best day ever.  Daddy called the girl on the phone sweetie.  That’s what he called me.

When Daddy pulled into the driveway, the front porch light came on and I saw the front door open, but Mommy didn’t come outside.  As soon as I saw the “P” light up, I took my seatbelt off and ran into the house.  I never wanted to see Daddy again.  I heard my sister crying downstairs and then the door closed.  I looked out the window and Daddy was on the phone smiling.  He was probably talking to his new “sweetie”.

Mommy knocked on my door and brought in the bags full of all the stuff Daddy let us get.  I told her I didn’t want it and I never wanted to see him again.  She sat on my bed and I ran to her and told her that Daddy had another girl he called “sweetie”. I wanted to be his only sweetie.  I was Sweetie and my sister was Sunshine. I began to cry and begged Mommy to never find another “dumplin’”.  I would do anything she wanted.  I just wanted to be her only “dumplin’”.  She promised me that I was her only dumplin’.   When she left my room, I heard her call my sister. “Gumdrop, it’s time for your bath”, she said.

From now on my sister and me would only answer to Dumplin’ and Gumdrop.  We were no longer anyone’s Sweetie or Sunshine.
Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett

In My Head VII
By: Mia L. Hazlett
9/23/14

I didn’t know how long it had been since I Daddy, but I was still really mad at him. I think he was really mad at me too. He had only called once or maybe it was twice, but I didn’t want to talk to him ever again. Mommy wanted me to talk to him when he called, but she didn’t make me when I said no. I just wanted my mommy. Sometimes I still heard her cry in the shower. When she got out she told me she got soap in her eyes. Now I was mad that Daddy made Mommy cry.

Next week was Christmas. Daddy always took us to see Santa so we could tell him everything we wanted. Today Mommy took us. I didn’t know what I wanted. I used to always want Mommy and Daddy back together, but I didn’t want that anymore. Daddy just made us sad.

I listened to my sister tell Santa what she wanted. She went on and on about toys and everything she had seen on TV, but I watched Mommy. She didn’t look happy. She was never happy anymore. When Santa asked me what I wanted, I told him, I wanted my mommy to be happy. It didn’t have to be my daddy anymore, it just had to make her happy. He asked me what I thought would make my mommy happy, and I didn’t know. I didn’t know what would make Mommy happy.

Maybe Mommy wanted new boots. She always complained because the ones she had now had a hole in them. Every time she wore them, her feet got wet and cold. Or maybe Santa could pay all the bills for her. She always said she didn’t have enough money. I know she needed a new winter coat. She had been wearing the same one for forever and the inside had a big hole and some of the white stuffing stuff was falling out. Or maybe Santa would give me some money to take her to dinner or the movies. Whenever we went out to dinner, she would always say she wasn’t hungry and let me and my sister get whatever we wanted. I knew it was because we didn’t have enough money. I knew she was hungry.

By the time I finally said something, I just said, “Santa, tell God to get something for my mommy that will make her happy forever. That’s what I want for Christmas, my mommy to be happy forever.”

Santa said okay.

©Copyright 2014 – Mia L. Hazlett

In My Head VIII
By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/4/2014

Oh no. It was almost time for Daddy to pick us up. I didn’t want to go with him, but Mommy said it was only for tonight and she would come get us tomorrow. She said it’s Christmas and it’s good to spend time with family. I don’t want to be with Daddy. He has a new family. People can’t have a new family and an old family.

My friend,Tisha, said she never sees her dad now that he has a new family and a little baby brother. She’s never even met her baby brother. She didn’t even think he was a baby anymore. Her mom and my mom are friends. They are supposed to come over soon, but I will probably be with my stupid dad.

All of my cousins and aunts and uncles are here. I came up to my room so I could pack my clothes. My sister stood in her room looking out the window. She already had her coat and hat on. Mommy told her to take them off or she would be cold when she went outside, but she never listens.

I went back downstairs and started playing UNO with my cousins and uncle. My sister came into the living room like an hour later and she was crying. Mommy was right behind her telling her it would be okay. I could tell by what Mommy was saying, Daddy wasn’t coming. She always tried to cheer us up and tell us we could go out for breakfast in the morning. My sister would not hear it. I bet she didn’t even want Daddy, she just wanted her presents.

I was happy. I had just won three games of UNO and now I didn’t have to go see Daddy and his dumb family. If he didn’t want to see us, I didn’t want to see him. I felt bad for my sister. She didn’t understand. She was just a little baby. She didn’t understand Daddy had a new family now. Maybe his new family is like Tisha’s dad’s new family. Maybe my dad has new kids. Dads don’t need old kids when they have new kids.

Copyright © 2014 Mia L. Hazlett

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