August 19, 2010 · 4:21 am

I Am God

I Am God
By: Mia L. Hazlett
8/18/10

You have bowed before me and I have heard your cry.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God.

The end is near and your blessings plenty.
Although your faith has wavered, your praise has not.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God.

Know that this is my time to prepare you,
So this is not a time to fold.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God.

Stand on the promises written in My Book.
For I can do things that you cannot.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God.

This battle is not yours, it is mine.
So step aside, because the devil’s traps are being removed.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God

I am the Beginning and the End.
I am the Lord of Lords.
I am the King of Kings.
I am the Ruler of all.

I made Heaven.
I made Earth.
I made Night.
I made Day.

So wipe away your tears my child, and be prepared.
Because you have bowed before me, and I am God.

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Filed under blessings, Christian, faith, God, patience

August 13, 2010 · 3:51 am

Monster II

Monster II
By: Mia L. Hazlett
8/12/10

I ran down the stairs with the expectation of a chase. I steadied myself against the wall near the front door. No chase. The blinding light and noise remained, but no chase. Pain riddled my body from head to toe. I tried to focus on my surroundings, but nothing seemed familiar. I just needed to open the front door to end this nightmare.

My legs wobbled as I reached for the doorknob. And then it was gone. The noise. The lights. They disappeared and the blackness returned. I grasped desperately to find the knob. Nothing. The knob didn’t move and the door didn’t open. My hands followed the wall until they came to a massive leather jacket. The same jacket that had just terrorized my bedroom.

Massive arms embraced me and I could only hear my breathing and the sound of footsteps descending the stairs. Beyond the footsteps and my quick breaths, there was a faint knocking with each step. I tried to release myself from my captor, but all movements were stifled with a blow to my face. I was sure it was my tooth I swallowed. My feet dangled but I was sure I was moving as I floated towards a consistent tapping. The floating ceased and then there was laughter coming just inches in front of my face. That laugh. They had found me. After six years, that laugh had found me.

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Filed under fear, horror, Monster, violence

July 27, 2010 · 4:16 am

A Test of Faith

A Test of Faith
By: Mia L. Hazlett
7/26/10

Finally I stood in the face of my destiny, their destiny, well okay, our destiny. Nothing could stop us now. I mean absolutely nothing. I guess when you are riding on faith the sky is the first step of many, rather than the limit. After that ride, I felt completely unstoppable. There was no way God was going to take me all the way across the country in a packed minivan with two kids, a cat, no air conditioning, and then leave me. Nope. He wasn’t going to do that to me. Because it was only God, who could have given me the strength to endure 1,958 miles of fear, sweat, and enough adrenaline to conquer both and still keep my faith.

The scary thing about faith was faith itself. I didn’t know the ending, I just expected a positive outcome, because I knew that’s what God promised me. And as my van crossed the Louisiana/Texas border, I felt delivered from my past two years of hell. I felt delivered from my marriage. I felt delivered from my job. I felt delivered from my enemies. I felt as though God was applauding my obedience and I was driving towards my blessings. And now I was stuck on Ephesians 3:20. What was this “exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think?” I had gotten from Boston to Houston safely. That was my prayer and it was answered. I wanted to move to Texas and now we were there. Okay I guess I wanted a job and house to live in, but that really wasn’t “exceedingly abundantly above” what I had asked or thought.

So through 1,958 miles, God continued to test my faith through trials. With almost a month behind me with no job and the savings dwindling, I began to question my move. I began to ponder and think what if He would leave me now? What if this move was about me and not part of His plan for me? What if I had disobeyed and not obeyed? So from above, my Heavenly Father assured me, He wasn’t trying to have me dwell on Ephesians 3:20, but on James 1:3, “knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” I had to realize, God wanted me to wait on Him and move in His time, not mine.

I had noticed that through this journey of faith, God allowed more and more time to lapse between my knees hitting the floor and His deliverance. When I had first turned to Him to save me, sometimes not even an hour would pass. When He had me hooked, He allowed days, then weeks. I mean I had to remember, from the conception of this move to crossing the border, four months had passed. And now as He answered my consistent prayer for the past four years for rest, I had the audacity not to rest after only a month. For He knew I was the head of my family and provider. So as I continued to ask in angst for a job to provide for my family, He sent me an angle that calmed me with His word through Psalm 23, “I shall not want.” So with all angst aside, I waited on God, because I knew my cup was about to run over.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

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Filed under blessings, Christian, destiny, faith, God, patience, travel

July 23, 2010 · 8:31 pm

Conundrum (Part II)

Conundrum (Part II)
By: Mia L. Hazlett
7/23/10

I allowed the days to pass without sharing the news with my husband. Unfortunately at almost forty years-old he had not learned to have his own emotions. I had to look at how his mother felt towards me and that would pretty much dictate the person who walked through my door at the end of the day. So for now she wasn’t speaking to me or our daughters, luckily he was still speaking to our children.

He hadn’t returned any of my phone calls today, nor come home. I spent most of the night up with our two year-old daughter and finally just let her fall asleep in his spot. And in one of the moments that I watched her sleep, it hit me; I was about to raise these three children by myself. He wasn’t going to be here through this pregnancy. At that moment I knew I would never share my bed with my husband again. I had lost my husband to a woman that he was supposed to have left so he could cleave to me. I mean it’s in the Bible. They’re Christians. He was raised in the church and she claims to be involved in hers. So why were they not honoring the word of God?

I woke in the morning to the incessant chirping of my old alarm clock. My daughter slightly stirred, but settled back under the blanket. I rose with a sharp pain in my back and then it shot down my right leg. I stifled all movement and tried to turn so I could get back in the bed. Ouch! That was not about to happen. The pain was excruciating with even the slightest movement. I decided to call out to my husband in the hopes he was just downstairs on our couch after discovering our daughter in his spot.

By the time I had shouted his name the third time, my eight year-old came into the room. I conveyed the situation and before I could finish, she was swinging my legs onto the bed with the rest of me. As I was explaining, she simply pushed me back. My body was so rigid with pain I fell straight back. It’s amazing what children remember. She had to do the same thing when I was pregnant with her sister. And once again he was missing. I couldn’t do this to her again. I refused to allow her to take on his responsibilities. But as I tried to move, I cried out in pain.

Unfortunately, our oldest is well rehearsed in her father’s disappearance acts. She got her sister up and dressed and then herself. She prepared them cereal and made her lunch for school. In the meantime, I made a phone call to my girlfriend and their godmother, who came over and took them to school. As only a best friend could she promised her return, caretaking, and lecture. I guess you could say I fear God, my mother, and her. I guess her moreso than my mother because she knows everything.

I heard the door downstairs open and awaited her lecture. But to my surprise, my husband entered our bedroom dressed in the same clothes he left in yesterday. After inquiring about the kids whereabouts and why I was not at work, he got in the shower and then left. The one thing I was finding out about my crying for him, it wasn’t lasting so long and it didn’t hurt so much when he didn’t come home or left.

Not long after the tears subsided; the lecturer returned, rice cakes and sparkling water in hand. I really had to work on that with her. When we didn’t see each other for a while, she was never dieting. Now when I couldn’t move and needed comfort food, I crunched on salt flavored cardboard and sipped on fake soda. The lecture was redundant from his previous wrong doings. It all came down to, stay or leave. It’s my choice. To stay meant to accept who he was and that his mother came with the package. To leave meant I might lose her, but ultimately I was still tied to him through the kids.

I guess the one thing she did bring to my attention was the phrase, “actions speak louder than words”. She told me not to be fooled by those that can quote the Bible and go to church. Observe how they are living their so called Christian lives. Because ultimately their actions will speak louder than their words.

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Filed under children, Conundrum, fiction, friendship, God, husband, marriage, wife

July 20, 2010 · 4:46 pm

1,958 Miles

1,958 Miles
By: Mia L. Hazlett
7/20/10

To My Darling Daughters,

As of today my loves, we have spent a total of 26 solid days together, four of them traveling across the country. I must write to you and tell you both how much I love you. I’ve turned our lives upside down in the pursuit of the promised future I gave you both when you were each born.

I must start by telling you there are no two people that breath on this planet, that I could have spent four days, 1,958 miles with, in that un-airconditioned packed to the max van, while driving through our country’s hottest states. My darling Jazzy, the way you handled yourself when your sister spent the first two days carsick, brought tears to my eyes. Never a complaint uttered, you simply got the wipes and paper towels and cleaned your sister and took care of her comfort. You knew that pulling over was not an option since it was always when I was lost on the back roads of either Pennsylvania, West Virginia, or Virginia. And my baby Kaylee, you kept the love in the car the entire ride. When Mommy had us lost, hot, and hunting for food, bathrooms, gas, and hotels that allowed cats, your random “I love you Mommy”, reminded me why I was driving across the country.

The images I will always carry with me from that trip are, the opening of the hotel doors after unloading the last necessary bag from the car, to find you both standing in your bathing suits ready for the pool. You see after driving 8-10 hour days in a van with no A/C on maybe 6 hours of sleep; I was looking past the both of you to the bed. But because I promised swimming each night, off to the pool we went! I guess I will also remember bringing you to the pool the second night and Kaylee you threw up down the front of Mommy’s bathing suit. I had both of you crying in the elevator because we only had 15 minutes of pool time. I will always remember the look on that man’s face when the elevator doors opened and he hesitantly stepped on. I smiled and asked him what floor, as if the throw up came with the suit.

Know there were times of fear. Several times I thought for sure kitty wasn’t going to make it all the way to Houston. But by the divine grace of our Heavenly Father, she made it. Then there was our Monday drive, the scariest for me. I drove us from Virgina to Louisiana. My babies, I know I pushed you and I apologize. I gave us minimal breaks and my temper was short. Know that it was because I had pushed myself beyond my limits and by the time I actually started looking for hotels; I was physically and mentally exhausted. The hotels that I felt safe with, wouldn’t take cats and the ones that allowed pets, didn’t offer the sense of security I needed for us. And my darling Jazzy, by then you knew exactly what Mommy was looking for. You would tell me we were not staying at them before I could say anything. Understand by the time I saw the sign “New Orleans, 100 miles” I wanted to give up. I looked in my rear view and saw your faces and just called on the name of Jesus. I couldn’t even say a prayer at that point, but I know there is power in His name. I pushed through to New Orleans because I knew if I could just get us there and not find a hotel accepting of pets, your Auntie Jen would come and meet us. But like I said, there is power is His name, and He gave us the cushy Marriott 10 miles into New Orleans.

Knowing we were only six hours from our new start allowed us to really relax in New Orleans. Jazzy, your discipline amazes me. Each night we stopped at a hotel, it took me about three trips to unload the van. While I unloaded the van, you would hold school and you ensured you and Kaylee did your schoolwork. How blessed I am to have you.

I don’t know if you saw my tears when we saw the “Welcome to Texas” sign on that fourth day of driving, but know they were tears of joy. Tears of good-bye. Tears of a new start. Tears of we did it! Tears of we are blessed and highly favored. Tears of God promised, God confirmed, and God delivered us. My darling angels know that our God is an awesome God, because without Him we would not have arrived. We made it my beautiful young ladies. Welcome to Texas!

Love and God,

Mommy

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Filed under children, family, fear, God, love, parents, travel

March 29, 2010 · 8:07 pm

Conundrum

Conundrum
By: Mia L. Hazlett
3/29/10

I gave a hearty laugh at the idea of his mother moving in with us. I mean, I seriously laughed at him for having the audacity to ask if his mother could live with us. He knew how I felt about that woman. It would be one thing if she were ill or couldn’t take care of herself, by all means, my Christian heart would have to bend. But that’s not what we were talking about. We were talking about a woman that raised my husband to be her husband. And a house is not a home if there are two women trying to run it.

So his blank face stared at me, with his big brown puppy dog eyes. See my husband was in quite a conundrum and he didn’t even know that I knew. But when you’ve been with someone for so long, you know what their silence means. It means, his mother asked him. He gave the affirmative. He brought me out to this nice restaurant with all the right ambiance. He caressed my hand with the doting compliments and flirtatious grin. And then he tried to slip in the old, “I was thinking…” line. He asked the question, just knowing I would say, yes. But now it has backfired and he had to choose who he wanted pissed at him, the woman who gave him birth or the woman who he had to live with. Again, what a conundrum.

So now that blank face just stared at me. Again I knew what he was thinking. He could spend the rest of our dinner trying to convince me of the “whys and how” this could all work. Or he would actually have to go back and tell his Mommy no. I just didn’t understand why a grown ass married man couldn’t choose his wife over his mother. Just as I thought, he dove head first with the stories I had heard time and time again. “Poor her” and “His father something” and blah, blah, blah. He finished and took up his fork again and gently caressed my hand. He gave that dashing flirtatious grin. He just knew I was going to say yes.

Um…was he new to this? I played like he was. I returned his smile. Set down my fork. I looked into his eyes with my look I knew he liked, “No,” I repeated. Moment over. I withdrew my hand, picked my fork back up and finished off my meal.

Silence engulfed our ride home. There was nothing left to say. Again his mother had spoiled an evening between my husband and myself. The sad part was, it no longer required her presence. And because he chose her over me, he would spend the remainder of the evening consoling her. Just as I thought. We pulled up to the house and he dropped me off. I didn’t care that he was leaving me to be with her. I was used to it.

He never gave me a chance to tell him my news. I was somewhat disappointed in myself because I thought he really wanted to have a special night out. I should know by now that there would be an ulterior motive. Besides the fact I can’t take the woman living just a mile away, nevermind across the hall, she couldn’t use our spare bedroom. In eight months, this was going to be our baby’s nursery.

So instead of being wrapped in my husband’s arms and celebrating the announcement of our third child, I wept alone on our couch in our unlit living room. All the while, just a mile a way, my husband sat in the home he was never raised to leave.

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March 23, 2010 · 1:50 pm

Taken (Part III)

Taken (Part III)
3/23/10
By: Mia L. Hazlett

I drove around the block and came back around to perfectly position the car in an alley down the street from The Spot. The Lottery Ticket appeared to still be knocked out. The last thing I was gonna deal with was some screamin’ kid. I was supposed to drop her off and be done. But I didn’t think that drink concoction would last much longer

The last cop car pulled off…maybe. But that van didn’t sit right in this neighborhood. I had never seen it before. Maybe I was just being paranoid. I needed to call Voz. He went back in the house about twenty minutes ago. I knew he saw me drive by, but I needed some sort of sign from him that I could make the drop. I decided to leave Lottery in the back and make my way to the little package store. I just needed some cigarettes and a chance to give Voz a call.

Voz didn’t answer the three times I tried. I walked around the corner, cigarette hanging from my mouth, drink shoved under my pit as I struggled to get my keys to the car. I took a couple more puffs before I got back into the car. I opened my nip of vodka and settled in for the wait.

FUCK! Where the fuck was Lottery? She was gone! Na, na, na. This couldn’t be happening. I wasn’t in the store for more then like ten freakin’ minutes. She was freakin’ knocked out with the stuff. She hadn’t moved the whole damn time I drove. I started the car and decided to drive around to see if I could find her. She couldn’t have gotten that far bein’ small and drugged. She had to be be close. She fuckin’ had to be close. I slammed my hand on the steering wheel, all the while cursing The Ticket out.

I knew Voz said we couldn’t kill her until we got the money at The Drop. But what difference did it make? Now or later? These people weren’t about to get their kid back. Kev didn’t get his kid back, why should they? All I was sayin’ was I want to kill this kid. As soon as I found her, I was gonna break her little neck.

Finding her wasn’t looking good. I drove around the block lookin’ for her tiny little frame wrapped in a white sweater. Why didn’t I make her change into that outfit? She was going to stand out in her uniform in this neighborhood. Man I fucked up. I gotta find this kid. If I didn’t, both of us would catch a bullet.

After about forty-five minutes of nothing, my phone rang. Voz. Shit. “Yeah,” I answered.
“Bring it now,” he hung up.

I figured The Spot was safe if he was telling me to come. Two sets of eyes would be better than one. I pulled up to the house to pick him up, popped up the steps and was in the house within five minutes of Voz’s call.

“What are you doing? Where’s the kid? Why the hell are you parking in front of the damn house? Put the damn car in the back. Do you want to fuck this up?” Voz hammered out before I even got the door closed.
“Okay, there’s a problem. I lost the kid. I was…”
“Get out! GET THE HELL OUT!” Voz screamed.

I turned to leave, and then was jerked to the floor by my ponytail. Voz was on top of me with his glock between my eyes.

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Filed under children, fiction, kidnapping, Taken

March 22, 2010 · 4:29 pm

Good-Bye

Good-Bye
3/22/10
By: Mia L. Hazlett

He placed his hand on the small of her back and gently pulled her to him. Their lips found each other without hesitation and for that moment they became one. It wasn’t a kiss of hello or good-bye, just a kiss that would last forever. Because as they parted, she knew they would never see each other again.

The past three days brought back times they once had shared. They formed new memories that she would always carry in her heart. And most of all they brought the end. It finally ended. Nine years of wondering, hoping, wishing, and praying, was finally over. She could move on and know that this was exactly how their story was supposed to end.

It was his persistence that she conceded to, but only in the interest of dinner. As time went on, their love affair grew, but was hindered by her indecision. She did not want to let go of her past, because it held her future. So as she held on, he moved on. He moved not to betray her, but his orders were given and The Major followed. Their love remained unspoken and they went their separate ways.

There was never a good-bye, but nine years later, there was a hello. And for three days they reunited. For without these three days, there would be no love story. For it was her fairy tale to find that he sought her for all these years, when all the while she had prayed for his return. Their loved soared for just those few days. They recommitted to a relationship they never had defined and allowed their hearts to be restored. But again, their romance was hindered with indecision. He was committed to his present, and she to her future. Again they went their separate ways.

But theirs was a love story that was rarely lived. Even in the longest of marriages, the happiest of homes, or the most romantic rendezvous, nothing could touch their love. Because they did not have to be together to share forever.

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October 21, 2009 · 12:19 am

Rock Bottom

Rock Bottom
By: Mia L. Hazlett
10/20/09

“Daddy, Daddy!” I screamed. “Where are you? Daddy I’m scared. Where are you?”

I tried to move, but my body radiated with pain. I tried to push myself up from the cold wet ground, but I fell back down. I was able to turn my head enough to see the light above me. I must have fallen at least fifteen or twenty feet. I think I was in the old well in our backyard that my father always told me to stay away from. I’m not sure what possessed me to remove the cover, but now I wish I had listened to my father.

“Baby? Are you okay? Baby are you down there?” The light went away, and was replaced by my father’s concerned face. “I’m gonna get you out of there honey. I just need for you to be still. Don’t move.”
“Don’t leave me Daddy. Don’t leave.” Panic swept over me. I couldn’t face the thought of being left alone here. “I can’t move my legs Daddy. I can’t move.”
“Stay still honey. Don’t move. Just be still. I need to get you help baby. I need to go to the house and get help.”
“Daddy please don’t leave. Don’t leave me alone. Please don’t leave me alone.” I began to weep. Unfortunately, crying only made my pain worse.
“Sweetheart. I need for you to listen to me right now. I would never leave you alone. You are not going to be able to see me for about five minutes while I go get my phone. But know that I am getting you help. I need you to be strong for me right now. Okay? Be strong for Daddy. I’m going to get you out of there.”
“Okay Daddy.”
“That’s my girl.” And in that instant his face disappeared and the light returned. How many times in my eleven years had he warned me about this well? And now I’m laying at the bottom of it, bruised and broken.

As I waited for my father, I slowly focused on my surroundings. I figured the cold was from the wet cement I was laying on. I could continue to shiver, which caused a piercing pain in the left side of my chest. Or I could try and sit up. There was no way this was going to be painless, but at least I wouldn’t be laying on wet cement anymore. I knew if I was going to be able to sit up, I would have to get off my back, face the ground, and push myself up with my arms. I just didn’t want to turn my back to the light. I finally garnished up enough courage and turned to my side. I screamed as my leg pulsated with an excruciating pain.

Instantly the light was gone. “Didn’t I tell you to stay still?” I heard my father’s voice boom. “I told you not to move. Why do you always have to do things your way? Your leg is broken.”
“How do you know?” I asked.
“Because I can see all of you from here. From up here, I can see that your leg is broken. So stop moving, help is on the way.”
“Daddy?”
“Yes baby.”
“I’m sorry. I should have listened to you. You told me to stay away from the well and I didn’t listen. I’ll never disobey you again. Can you ever forgive me?”
“You don’t have to be sorry baby. This is exactly the reason I didn’t want you to move the board. I knew how long the fall was and that you would get hurt. And don’t worry honey, you will disobey me again, but as long as you ask, I will always forgive you.”
“Daddy, it hurts so bad. Please help me.”
“Can you sit up?”
“It’s gonna hurt, though.”
“Just for a little bit baby. Shift your arm underneath your side and push up.” I listened to my father and raised my torso. My arm wobbled and my back hit the wall. I cried out in pain, but I was now leaning against the wall. My father had tied a rope around his waist and begun to crawl down the side of the well, tip-toeing on the small metal rungs jutting from the wall.

I must have passed out from the pain, but as I opened my eyes, my father said, “Reach up baby, reach up.” My father’s hand was a foot away. With the pain searing through me and the light blinding me, I grabbed my father’s hand. And with a strength and might I never knew my father had, he pulled me to my feet, put me on his back, and carried me out of the well.

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September 8, 2009 · 12:05 am

Mighty Blessing

Mighty Blessing
By: Mia L. Hazlett
9/7/09

In the midst of the storm…chaos…the cacophony of my enemies cries, I held onto You.
For they declared war, and I sought peace in Your shielding arms.

In the midst of the tears…sorrow…the pain in my heart, I held onto You.
For loneliness found me, but I found companionship in Your unwavering love.

In the midst of the temptation…indecision…the moments when I went astray, I held onto You.
For the devil knocked, but I let Your most gracious Spirit answer.

In the midst of the rush…impatience…the times when my faith was tested, I held onto You.
For before I followed my own plan, I prayed for Your all-knowing guidance.

In the midst of Your plan…my life…the destiny You have waiting for me, I will hold onto You.
For after the storm, the chaos, the tears, the sorrow, the temptation, the indecision, the rush, the impatience, will come Your mighty blessing.

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