Rushed: Part II

Rushed: Part II
By: Mia L. Hazlett
1/16/08

Okay, maybe I spoke too soon. I can wait for our future to begin, or at least this could slow down by like….oh I don’t know. This is all happening to fast. This is not what I intended to happen at all. I mean not like this. Why did this have to happen? He’s still married. We’ve only been together for a little over a month now. My friends haven’t even met him. What will my parents say? What will he say? I wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant.

I can’t call my friends. They won’t understand. They are not happy he is still married. I was just so sure that he would be my husband by the time I had to make this announcement. But now my fairy tale has come to an abrupt end, and I’ve been thrust into this nightmare. I’ve prayed for the past ten years to have a baby and a man, but since I have failed at both for the past six years, I just assumed I wasn’t able to have children. I mean no doctor ever told me I couldn’t have kids, but I just assumed. And now this…this baby growing inside me. This child…my child. I’m not ready. Why couldn’t God have waited until I was ready?

How am I going to tell him? How do I let him know that we are about to have a baby? I mean that wicked witch has been putting him through hell about him not seeing the kids, so he has had to stay over there for the past two weekends. His three year-old is not handling this well at all, so they are trying to make it easy on him. I really should wait until he gets here, but I can’t keep this news bottled up inside of me. I want to tell my girlfriends, but I am not ready for the judgments just yet. Well here goes, let me just get this over with and call him. He should be on his way home anyways. We always talk when he gets stuck in the horrendous rush-hour traffic.

I panic as the phone rings…rings…rings…rings. Finally he answers. I lay the news out as gently as possible. I even sound excited, and I don’t think I’m faking. I didn’t catch what he said before we got disconnected, but I’m having a very uneasy feeling about all of this. It’s been over three hours since then, and his phone is going straight to voicemail. His phone must have died. He will call me once it’s charged. I settle in for the night in front of my television and contemplate using a number I found in his phone one night. It said “home”, and it wouldn’t be so horrible for me to call his house, since he has already told his wife and children about us. By the end of next month his divorce will be final. He told me his wife is dating too, so it shouldn’t be a shock for her if I call.

Everything in me is telling me not to make this call, but there is something else telling me I need to make this call…God, intuition…I don’t know, but here it goes. Okay, for the sake of my feelings I shouldn’t have made the call. But I think it was God and intuition that knew I had to hear what I just found out. I’m so alone right now. So alone.

(to be continued)