50/50

50/50
By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/22/10

What was it? The worst day of your life. What was the worst day of your life? My professor’s question infused itself in my head and refused to let me drift off into my slumber. It was supposed to have changed my life . So not only was it supposed to be the worst day, but so life altering that it shaped who I’ve become today.

I guess that’s a simple enough question for some. When I looked around in my classroom, the other students began scribbling furiously. Why could I think of nothing? Certainly there had to be some obstacle in my life that had changed me. At some point in my life I’ve suffered a level of anxiety over some event. I know I have.

There were times I had tasted the warm salt of my tears. But not every tear was that of despair or some insurmountable circumstance. Some gave way to the simple love line in a movie. Some snuck out as hilarity overtook me in shudders of laughter. Maybe even some sad events took place. I won’t deny that. But how, if I’m focused on my pain and whatever circumstance I am going through, am I supposed to know that I’m going through a life altering experience?

Maybe this was that moment. Could it be possible that at the moment my professor asked his question, I had a life changing event? There really had been tears of pain in my life. Moments in which getting out of bed in the morning could bring about that mental breakdown. But what I’m coming to realize is I had done such a wonderful job at dealing with drama, death, and heartache, that in reflecting I’ve created normalcy out of the situations, to protect myself. There has been a string of wrongs that have allowed me to cherish the rights in my life.

Is it wrong to live in survival mode? Should I always expect the most positive outcome? Trust me, I’ve been called a pessimist before, but I’m not. I mean I don’t walk around expecting the worst all the time either.

I’ve just learned that life is 50/50. It can go the way you want or the other way. If you can accept that, than you’re going to learn that life is not about one life changing moment, at least mine isn’t. For me, life is taking the good with the bad. So Mr. Professor, it has been the good and the bad and the best and the worst, quite simply, life, that has shaped who I have become today.