Category Archives: Christian

March 14, 2011 · 7:10 pm

Conundrum (Part VII)

Conundrum (Part VII)
By: Mia L. Hazlett
3/14/11

The silence enveloped the room as I breastfed my daughter and gently rocked us back and forth in the large maple glider my parents had given me. Her ladybug light casted a soft glow in the corner of the room. I watched her suckle and with each blink caught the flashback of this exact moment with each of her sisters. With my oldest, I had this moment on my bed propped up against my pillows in my small studio apartment. I did the same with my second daughter, but it was in our house with her father next to me. I now sat in the makeshift nursery in my friend’s home alone with nothing but dreams and hopes.

The only recent contact I had with my husband was the divorce papers I was served the other day. I couldn’t get my head around the fact that I actually felt sad. We were coming up on a year of being apart and I couldn’t tell you the last time we even talked or he contacted the kids. So why was this hurting? Why when I had embraced and accepted that I was doing this alone, did I feel like I was losing him all over again? I consistently prayed that God hadn’t forgotten me. Sometimes I believed I was just having a pity party, and the rest of the time I tried to hold onto the faith that He had me in the palm of His hand.

I signed the papers and sent them in the return envelope. It was against my faith, but I had to let go. Would God forgive me for giving up? I had continually asked myself this question since I mailed my vows away. But unfortunately my time in prayer had to be spent praying for my strength to support this family and thank my friend for her patience with my situation. I didn’t know if God was going to answer my prayers. I guess part of faith was hope, and I hoped God heard my prayers.

So in the dim glow of the makeshift nursery in my friend’s house, I said a single line to a prayer I had always rehearsed in its entirety, “Thy will be done.” I kissed my daughter and placed her in her tiny bassinet. “Thy will be done.”

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January 13, 2011 · 3:39 pm

Conundrum (Part VI)

Conundrum (Part VI)
By: Mia L. Hazlett
1/13/11

The test of strength forced itself upon my shoulders. My inner conflict of not wanting him in my life, battled the need of wanting to hold his hand as the contractions rippled their stifling pain to every delicate nerve in my body. But for each brief set of minutes that my body was given reprieve from the brutal attacks, I hated myself for thinking about him at a time that had nothing to do with him. So I had to force myself to focus on the voice of the nurse and not on the thoughts of abandonment.

That is what he had done to us. He had abandoned us. There were no more phone calls. The visits with our daughters had ceased . He had even gone so far as changing his phone number. Luckily I had made us a family before he left, so his disappearance was not surprising. Disappointing, yes. Surprising, no. I hate to say that it bordered relief, but I had released his failures to God, and kept it moving. I had no choice but to stand strong and guide my daughters through the loss of their father.

I tossed from side to side and when I opened my eyes, God took over. All thoughts of him left me as I tuned into my surroundings and felt my friend holding my hand and telling me how soon this would all be over. My oldest sat across the room on a loveseat and held her sister’s hand. Her anxious eyes never left me, and offered me more comfort than his hand ever could.

At the first cry of my new daughter, my past eight months no longer mattered. God had given me a new start and I wasn’t going to give a second thought to my past. Their future depended on me staying in the present. I cradled my new joy, with her sisters’ welcome crowding. As we crammed in the small mechanical bed, I made their sister the same promise I had made them when they were born; I was going to give her the world.

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November 18, 2010 · 7:39 pm

Conundrum (Part V)

Conundrum (Part V)
By: Mia L. Hazlett
11/18/2010

As I came months from my due date, I had done a wonderful job of shutting everyone out of my life. There was just no one that truly understood the struggles that I faced as a single pregnant mother. Or so I thought. Because on my journey of shutting everyone out, there was a persistent friend that wouldn’t leave my side. She had been through everything with me and she refused to go away.

The problem with trying to maintain the image of strength on the outside when you feel you have very little on the inside, is the facade is easily recognized by those closest to you. So my best friend began to carry me as I mourned the loss of my self expectations.

With my child on its way, two kids, and the sprinkle of not enough, there was no way I could afford my lifestyle. I swallowed my pride and moved in with her and her two daughters. I had always called myself a Christian, but I had never explored faith. Now my friend was saying trust her, she had been in my shoes and it was going to be okay. What about my situation could speak to this “okay”?

As I began to move our stuff into her house, I noticed a small stone plaque near her front steps, “The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want” Psalm 23. She came up behind me and told me I was about to find out what that meant. That invoked a fear in me, because I didn’t want to want, I wanted to have. That was what I was used to. She laughed and told me to buckle myself in, because God was about to set my crooked path straight.

It wasn’t the first night in her house that I comprehended “okay”, nor the second or third. But it was a month later as we rearranged sleeping arrangements to set up the crib for my daughter. It was a month of living without all the “stuff” that I had allowed to mark my success. The material had always determined how far I was in my life. But with the departure of my husband, I felt a loss that couldn’t be replaced by stuff. I thought back to when she told me sell all my stuff and I laughed at her. Now I was rummaging through my “success” and locating the pictures and memories of my family. That’s all I wanted, all I needed. All the rest was replaceable.

In the blackness of the night, I rocked back and forth in the rocking chair next to the crib. There was a roof over my children’s head, clothes on their back, and they ate heartily. I smiled. At that moment in that room, I got it. “The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want,” Psalm 23.

*************************************************************************************
I dedicate this to a remarkable woman, Jennifer L. Texada. She is a wonderful friend and has stayed steadfast by my side as I’ve traveled down my path of faith. Without her loving heart and generosity, I would have turned around a long time ago. Thank you girl. You are a phenomenal woman. I am blessed to have you in my life.

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September 30, 2010 · 2:55 am

Waiting on Love

Waiting on Love
By: Mia L. Hazlett
9/29/10

He cautioned her impatience, because He knew through her haste, her emptiness would remain unfulfilled. It was He who commanded her to love again, to feel again, to want again. For He had made man for her, but she had to be still. Stillness had to encompass her being in preparation for love.

But she surrendered to the newness and bitterness consumed her past. Her heart had been awakened and touched. The control she once mastered, cowered to the man who had captured her. She fought to be released, but reveled in his persistence. He did not simply reside in her heart, but he consistently fed her mind.

As the battle within her raged, she grew weary. She knew that the love she required was unrequited. The stillness surrounded her and the emptiness returned. Before the void devoured her; He promised her, the deliverance of her requited love remained in the patience of her faith. As she tasted her tear, she knew He had taught her to feel and want again. She allowed the stillness to encompass her being in preparation for love.

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August 19, 2010 · 4:21 am

I Am God

I Am God
By: Mia L. Hazlett
8/18/10

You have bowed before me and I have heard your cry.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God.

The end is near and your blessings plenty.
Although your faith has wavered, your praise has not.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God.

Know that this is my time to prepare you,
So this is not a time to fold.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God.

Stand on the promises written in My Book.
For I can do things that you cannot.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God.

This battle is not yours, it is mine.
So step aside, because the devil’s traps are being removed.
Wipe away your tears my child, for I am God

I am the Beginning and the End.
I am the Lord of Lords.
I am the King of Kings.
I am the Ruler of all.

I made Heaven.
I made Earth.
I made Night.
I made Day.

So wipe away your tears my child, and be prepared.
Because you have bowed before me, and I am God.

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July 27, 2010 · 4:16 am

A Test of Faith

A Test of Faith
By: Mia L. Hazlett
7/26/10

Finally I stood in the face of my destiny, their destiny, well okay, our destiny. Nothing could stop us now. I mean absolutely nothing. I guess when you are riding on faith the sky is the first step of many, rather than the limit. After that ride, I felt completely unstoppable. There was no way God was going to take me all the way across the country in a packed minivan with two kids, a cat, no air conditioning, and then leave me. Nope. He wasn’t going to do that to me. Because it was only God, who could have given me the strength to endure 1,958 miles of fear, sweat, and enough adrenaline to conquer both and still keep my faith.

The scary thing about faith was faith itself. I didn’t know the ending, I just expected a positive outcome, because I knew that’s what God promised me. And as my van crossed the Louisiana/Texas border, I felt delivered from my past two years of hell. I felt delivered from my marriage. I felt delivered from my job. I felt delivered from my enemies. I felt as though God was applauding my obedience and I was driving towards my blessings. And now I was stuck on Ephesians 3:20. What was this “exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think?” I had gotten from Boston to Houston safely. That was my prayer and it was answered. I wanted to move to Texas and now we were there. Okay I guess I wanted a job and house to live in, but that really wasn’t “exceedingly abundantly above” what I had asked or thought.

So through 1,958 miles, God continued to test my faith through trials. With almost a month behind me with no job and the savings dwindling, I began to question my move. I began to ponder and think what if He would leave me now? What if this move was about me and not part of His plan for me? What if I had disobeyed and not obeyed? So from above, my Heavenly Father assured me, He wasn’t trying to have me dwell on Ephesians 3:20, but on James 1:3, “knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” I had to realize, God wanted me to wait on Him and move in His time, not mine.

I had noticed that through this journey of faith, God allowed more and more time to lapse between my knees hitting the floor and His deliverance. When I had first turned to Him to save me, sometimes not even an hour would pass. When He had me hooked, He allowed days, then weeks. I mean I had to remember, from the conception of this move to crossing the border, four months had passed. And now as He answered my consistent prayer for the past four years for rest, I had the audacity not to rest after only a month. For He knew I was the head of my family and provider. So as I continued to ask in angst for a job to provide for my family, He sent me an angle that calmed me with His word through Psalm 23, “I shall not want.” So with all angst aside, I waited on God, because I knew my cup was about to run over.

In Jesus Name, Amen.

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October 21, 2009 · 12:19 am

Rock Bottom

Rock Bottom
By: Mia L. Hazlett
10/20/09

“Daddy, Daddy!” I screamed. “Where are you? Daddy I’m scared. Where are you?”

I tried to move, but my body radiated with pain. I tried to push myself up from the cold wet ground, but I fell back down. I was able to turn my head enough to see the light above me. I must have fallen at least fifteen or twenty feet. I think I was in the old well in our backyard that my father always told me to stay away from. I’m not sure what possessed me to remove the cover, but now I wish I had listened to my father.

“Baby? Are you okay? Baby are you down there?” The light went away, and was replaced by my father’s concerned face. “I’m gonna get you out of there honey. I just need for you to be still. Don’t move.”
“Don’t leave me Daddy. Don’t leave.” Panic swept over me. I couldn’t face the thought of being left alone here. “I can’t move my legs Daddy. I can’t move.”
“Stay still honey. Don’t move. Just be still. I need to get you help baby. I need to go to the house and get help.”
“Daddy please don’t leave. Don’t leave me alone. Please don’t leave me alone.” I began to weep. Unfortunately, crying only made my pain worse.
“Sweetheart. I need for you to listen to me right now. I would never leave you alone. You are not going to be able to see me for about five minutes while I go get my phone. But know that I am getting you help. I need you to be strong for me right now. Okay? Be strong for Daddy. I’m going to get you out of there.”
“Okay Daddy.”
“That’s my girl.” And in that instant his face disappeared and the light returned. How many times in my eleven years had he warned me about this well? And now I’m laying at the bottom of it, bruised and broken.

As I waited for my father, I slowly focused on my surroundings. I figured the cold was from the wet cement I was laying on. I could continue to shiver, which caused a piercing pain in the left side of my chest. Or I could try and sit up. There was no way this was going to be painless, but at least I wouldn’t be laying on wet cement anymore. I knew if I was going to be able to sit up, I would have to get off my back, face the ground, and push myself up with my arms. I just didn’t want to turn my back to the light. I finally garnished up enough courage and turned to my side. I screamed as my leg pulsated with an excruciating pain.

Instantly the light was gone. “Didn’t I tell you to stay still?” I heard my father’s voice boom. “I told you not to move. Why do you always have to do things your way? Your leg is broken.”
“How do you know?” I asked.
“Because I can see all of you from here. From up here, I can see that your leg is broken. So stop moving, help is on the way.”
“Daddy?”
“Yes baby.”
“I’m sorry. I should have listened to you. You told me to stay away from the well and I didn’t listen. I’ll never disobey you again. Can you ever forgive me?”
“You don’t have to be sorry baby. This is exactly the reason I didn’t want you to move the board. I knew how long the fall was and that you would get hurt. And don’t worry honey, you will disobey me again, but as long as you ask, I will always forgive you.”
“Daddy, it hurts so bad. Please help me.”
“Can you sit up?”
“It’s gonna hurt, though.”
“Just for a little bit baby. Shift your arm underneath your side and push up.” I listened to my father and raised my torso. My arm wobbled and my back hit the wall. I cried out in pain, but I was now leaning against the wall. My father had tied a rope around his waist and begun to crawl down the side of the well, tip-toeing on the small metal rungs jutting from the wall.

I must have passed out from the pain, but as I opened my eyes, my father said, “Reach up baby, reach up.” My father’s hand was a foot away. With the pain searing through me and the light blinding me, I grabbed my father’s hand. And with a strength and might I never knew my father had, he pulled me to my feet, put me on his back, and carried me out of the well.

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September 8, 2009 · 12:05 am

Mighty Blessing

Mighty Blessing
By: Mia L. Hazlett
9/7/09

In the midst of the storm…chaos…the cacophony of my enemies cries, I held onto You.
For they declared war, and I sought peace in Your shielding arms.

In the midst of the tears…sorrow…the pain in my heart, I held onto You.
For loneliness found me, but I found companionship in Your unwavering love.

In the midst of the temptation…indecision…the moments when I went astray, I held onto You.
For the devil knocked, but I let Your most gracious Spirit answer.

In the midst of the rush…impatience…the times when my faith was tested, I held onto You.
For before I followed my own plan, I prayed for Your all-knowing guidance.

In the midst of Your plan…my life…the destiny You have waiting for me, I will hold onto You.
For after the storm, the chaos, the tears, the sorrow, the temptation, the indecision, the rush, the impatience, will come Your mighty blessing.

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June 22, 2009 · 2:41 am

Already Won

Already Won
By: Mia L. Hazlett
6/21/09

Father will they laugh?
Not the last laugh.

Father will they lie?
The devil is a lie.

Father will they win?
Not in My eyes.

Father will they fall?
For all the world to see.

Father do they hear you?
Only if they listen to your words.

Father do they see you?
If all eyes are on you.

Father do they know you?
It’s inevitable that we meet.

Father do they seek you?
I have not heard their knees.

Father leave me standing.
There is no other way.

Father leave me strengthened.
My daughter, I hear your prayer.

Father leave me wiser.
Then take the lessons as they come.

Father leave me humbled.
None of this is for you.

Father I give all praise to thee.
Then your battle is already won.

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June 22, 2009 · 1:31 am

The Battle

The Battle
By: Mia L. Hazlett
6/21/09

In the face of the devil, You told me to prepare for battle.
I summoned my anger and called on my vengeance.
I stood before You and said I was ready.
You told me, not yet.

In the face of the devil, You told me to prepare for battle.
I summoned my friends and called on rumor and gossip.
I stood before You and said I was ready.
You told me, not yet.

In the face of the devil, You told me to prepare for battle.
I summoned my tears and called on my fear.
I stood before You and said I was ready.
You told me, not yet.

In the face of the devil, You told me to prepare for battle.
I summoned the Lord and called Your name.
I knelt before You and asked if I was ready.
You gave me Your shield and armour.

For in the face of the devil, You fought my battle.

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